I don't really celebrate, I've got no clue how they could ruin a couple days of our life here. Maybe spike some chocolate? Shower us in aphrodisiac roses?
[ That'd be too simple... Instead they get ugly babies. ]
What? Are you serious? [ He raises his voice -- not anger, but something akin to envy, whining. ] Why wasn't I here for that? I'd deserve it after having my honeymoon completely fucked over!
Both of those sound alarmingly possible! But let's try not to jinx it, shall we?
[He has a feeling it'll be worse than both of those ideas, now that he thinks of it. Aren't they due for another one of those "games" by now? Though then again, they did let the other winter holidays pass by normally, save for the room mix-ups... But no, Valentine's Day is a couple's holiday. Plus they celebrated it last year! Triple ugh.
At least Obikawa's reaction to the fake marriage thing serves as a distraction.]
You missed out on your honeymoon?
[Excuse his disbelief. He barely knows this guy, but Mr. Janitor sure didn't strike him as a married man!]
Does that mean your spouse is here with you? If so, how's that been working out?
It wasn't like your traditional honeymoon. [ No one would ever consider a man kidnapping a woman after impersonating as her dead fiancé and locking her in his home as a honeymoon. ] She's not here and we're totally going to have an annulment. So I'm still living that bachelor life.
[ He can't help himself but laugh. It's cruel, it's disgusting -- he's robbed that poor woman of everything, but he's at least somewhat aware that she plans to do the same. ]
Any kind of committed relationship here would be pretty rough, I'd imagine.
You never made it to your honeymoon, but you were already planning to get an annulment? [A pause. And then he chirps:] Commoners are so fascinating. You all have such colorful lifestyles! ♪
[He'll just assume this wasn't a serious relationship and spare himself the headache of thinking too hard about it. Ah, but speaking of serious relationships...]
Yep!
[His voice is a chirp again, but it comes out sounding forced this time.]
You could say that, alright. But there's no going back for me, I'm afraid, since now we have a "red string" that binds us.
That's just how the way life goes. [ Sometimes the woman you kidnap is not the love of your life. Not even if there's a voice lingering in the back of your head that argues that she is. ]
Oh... huh... [ Obikawa doesn't sound disappointed as much as he does confused, the audible wonder leaving his mouth with a short quip of his head. ] So you can only mess around with the person you bonded with? I swear I've seen this before in something I've read.
[Surely Hua Cheng would have warned them if attaching the string came with some stipulation like that. ... Surely.
But as for how the whole monogamy-within-a-sex-resort is going for them, well...]
I guess it's going the same as ever. I used to worry we'd be punished, or that the House would try tearing us apart, but it doesn't seem that's happening. Just the other week, I spoke to someone who said he and his partner started sleeping with others just so the House wouldn't get mad, but his partner disappeared and turned into a statue anyway. Doing what they want doesn't seem to protect you at all.
[... is that really true, though?
He remembers Jin Mingming and J telling him the opposite, and his stomach knots with uncertainty.]
[ Not a confused or analytical sound, but one of impassive interest. Not that Obikawa has someone here that he would want to make a committed partner, but there is something oddly fascinating about this ordeal. ]
Well you can't blame them for trying. The House has a temper and we can't seem to quell it despite being compliant, it's like we're having to entertain a god that's conquered and claimed everything within physical reach. How unfortunate...
But there's a thousand ways to keep a lover close.
... no, [he agrees after a minute.] It'd be heartless to blame anyone for trying to keep themselves safe.
[Themselves and their loved ones. It's something he understands acutely now. Just because other relationships here are open doesn't make them lesser. It's odd to think about, but letting your partner sleep with others can also be a form of "love" in this place. Sort of like the adage "If you love someone, let them go."
But it's not the decision he and Jun made. And he's done talking about his woes!]
Are you speaking from experience? Pardon me for saying so, but you don't seem like someone who'd have much luck with love. I guess there's a lid for every pot, but you're sort of an odd duck, aren't you?
[ That's such a human response. Obikawa let's out a soft chuckle, nothing condescending but instead as if something just dawned on him -- he's surrounded by humans and their complicated affairs, forced to be added into the mix.
How dangerous. ]
I'll have you know that I was pretty close to being a dad.
[ It's more like... "humans stole my tail in a fight and used the genes to start experiments" which, considering how normal Hiyori is, is probably the worst alternative. ]
Oh no they were going to be an abomination. So I ate them.
A zombie? [ He belts out a fit of laughter, boisterous despite the atmosphere of the conversation. ] Maybe more like a hamster.
[ A terrible conversation. Not a wrong one, but still terrible -- Obikawa aimed to retrieve the genes being exploited by the humans excited to potentially find a way to destroy his kin. ]
But now you get why the honeymoon was kinda cancelled.
[Hiyori has never had a hamster, but he's pretty sure those are cuter than this guy. This guy is more snakelike!]
That's what people often do on their honeymoons! "I'm going to eat your right up~♪" ... that's what they say, except they mean it as a metaphor! But you were just being metaphorical, too, weren't you?
[ He'd be charmed and slightly offended if he could read minds. ]
No. I'm being one hundred percent honest right now. [ Though his tone sounds a bit indifferent... so maybe he's bullshitting?! ] I ate them so I could recover my genes and then tried retrieving my tail some scientists had stolen from me.
[He sighs a bit, sounding unimpressed. But being paired with a weird fibber is better than being matched with someone who's actually dangerous, at any rate.]
You don't need to fib just to fit in with all the supernatural beings around here. Even as an ordinary janitor, you should be able to attract someone. People here are desperate, after all. And for all you know, they might just find the normalcy refreshing. I know I wish I could get a break from the extraordinary sometimes. To spend a day drinking tea, eating delicious food, and talking about mundane things like hobbies and work schedules.
[To be fair, he already does half that stuff. But he means doing it without having to worry about the House's next "game" or about turning into statues.]
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[ That'd be too simple... Instead they get ugly babies. ]
What? Are you serious? [ He raises his voice -- not anger, but something akin to envy, whining. ] Why wasn't I here for that? I'd deserve it after having my honeymoon completely fucked over!
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[He has a feeling it'll be worse than both of those ideas, now that he thinks of it. Aren't they due for another one of those "games" by now? Though then again, they did let the other winter holidays pass by normally, save for the room mix-ups... But no, Valentine's Day is a couple's holiday. Plus they celebrated it last year! Triple ugh.
At least Obikawa's reaction to the fake marriage thing serves as a distraction.]
You missed out on your honeymoon?
[Excuse his disbelief. He barely knows this guy, but Mr. Janitor sure didn't strike him as a married man!]
Does that mean your spouse is here with you? If so, how's that been working out?
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It wasn't like your traditional honeymoon. [ No one would ever consider a man kidnapping a woman after impersonating as her dead fiancé and locking her in his home as a honeymoon. ] She's not here and we're totally going to have an annulment. So I'm still living that bachelor life.
[ He can't help himself but laugh. It's cruel, it's disgusting -- he's robbed that poor woman of everything, but he's at least somewhat aware that she plans to do the same. ]
Any kind of committed relationship here would be pretty rough, I'd imagine.
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You never made it to your honeymoon, but you were already planning to get an annulment? [A pause. And then he chirps:] Commoners are so fascinating. You all have such colorful lifestyles! ♪
[He'll just assume this wasn't a serious relationship and spare himself the headache of thinking too hard about it. Ah, but speaking of serious relationships...]
Yep!
[His voice is a chirp again, but it comes out sounding forced this time.]
You could say that, alright. But there's no going back for me, I'm afraid, since now we have a "red string" that binds us.
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Oh... huh... [ Obikawa doesn't sound disappointed as much as he does confused, the audible wonder leaving his mouth with a short quip of his head. ] So you can only mess around with the person you bonded with? I swear I've seen this before in something I've read.
[ A pause. ]
And how's that going for you?
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[Surely Hua Cheng would have warned them if attaching the string came with some stipulation like that. ... Surely.
But as for how the whole monogamy-within-a-sex-resort is going for them, well...]
I guess it's going the same as ever. I used to worry we'd be punished, or that the House would try tearing us apart, but it doesn't seem that's happening. Just the other week, I spoke to someone who said he and his partner started sleeping with others just so the House wouldn't get mad, but his partner disappeared and turned into a statue anyway. Doing what they want doesn't seem to protect you at all.
[... is that really true, though?
He remembers Jin Mingming and J telling him the opposite, and his stomach knots with uncertainty.]
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[ Not a confused or analytical sound, but one of impassive interest. Not that Obikawa has someone here that he would want to make a committed partner, but there is something oddly fascinating about this ordeal. ]
Well you can't blame them for trying. The House has a temper and we can't seem to quell it despite being compliant, it's like we're having to entertain a god that's conquered and claimed everything within physical reach. How unfortunate...
But there's a thousand ways to keep a lover close.
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[Themselves and their loved ones. It's something he understands acutely now. Just because other relationships here are open doesn't make them lesser. It's odd to think about, but letting your partner sleep with others can also be a form of "love" in this place. Sort of like the adage "If you love someone, let them go."
But it's not the decision he and Jun made. And he's done talking about his woes!]
Are you speaking from experience? Pardon me for saying so, but you don't seem like someone who'd have much luck with love. I guess there's a lid for every pot, but you're sort of an odd duck, aren't you?
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How dangerous. ]
I'll have you know that I was pretty close to being a dad.
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[Dare he ask? If it's as simple as "I forgot to put one on" then he doesn't need to hear it, though. Instead he'll ask about the aftermath!]
Did things fizzle out after that? Or are they near and dear to your heart still?
cw for cannibalism i'm sorry
Oh no they were going to be an abomination. So I ate them.
never apologize
Pardon?
[Well. That was a bad joke. No doubt about it, this person is weird! He thought so at the Halloween party, and he really thinks so now!
... there's no chance he's actually serious, is there?]
Does that mean you're the zombie?
[Thinking back on their party thread...]
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[ A terrible conversation. Not a wrong one, but still terrible -- Obikawa aimed to retrieve the genes being exploited by the humans excited to potentially find a way to destroy his kin. ]
But now you get why the honeymoon was kinda cancelled.
[ "Kinda" -- he still kidnapped her. ]
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[Hiyori has never had a hamster, but he's pretty sure those are cuter than this guy. This guy is more snakelike!]
That's what people often do on their honeymoons! "I'm going to eat your right up~♪" ... that's what they say, except they mean it as a metaphor! But you were just being metaphorical, too, weren't you?
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No. I'm being one hundred percent honest right now. [ Though his tone sounds a bit indifferent... so maybe he's bullshitting?! ] I ate them so I could recover my genes and then tried retrieving my tail some scientists had stolen from me.
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Yep, he's kidding!]
You really are an odd duck.
[He sighs a bit, sounding unimpressed. But being paired with a weird fibber is better than being matched with someone who's actually dangerous, at any rate.]
You don't need to fib just to fit in with all the supernatural beings around here. Even as an ordinary janitor, you should be able to attract someone. People here are desperate, after all. And for all you know, they might just find the normalcy refreshing. I know I wish I could get a break from the extraordinary sometimes. To spend a day drinking tea, eating delicious food, and talking about mundane things like hobbies and work schedules.
[To be fair, he already does half that stuff. But he means doing it without having to worry about the House's next "game" or about turning into statues.]